The holiday season, often synonymous with joy and closeness, can be a challenging time for individuals and couples dealing with family trauma. Whether it’s unresolved issues, painful memories, or a history of dysfunction, the holidays can stir up emotions that require mindful navigation. In this blog post, we’ll explore strategies for couples to support each other and collectively cope with family trauma during the holiday season.

Set Boundaries and Plans Together

Define clear boundaries as a couple regarding family interactions during the holidays. Discuss and agree upon the level of engagement with family, the duration of any visits, and review potential topics that may be triggering. Establish signals for when one partner needs support, and agree upon the schedule itself. Having a united front strengthens your ability to face challenging situations together, and boundaries can help create a sense of control and safety.

Create New Traditions

Consider creating new holiday traditions that are unique to your relationship. Whether it’s a quiet evening together, a getaway, or volunteering as a couple, forging your own traditions helps build positive associations with the holiday season. This is especially important for individuals who have lost or chosen to end family communication, as they leave behind traditions in this process. Discuss whether those traditions should be recreated or if they would prefer new traditions.

Practice Self-Care Individually and Collectively

The holidays can be emotionally draining, especially when family trauma is involved. Encourage each other to prioritize self-care, such as setting aside quiet time, engaging in activities that bring joy, or seeking support through therapy or counseling. Individual therapy can help to manage emotions as well as set healthy boundaries. A qualified couples therapist can provide tools and strategies to help you navigate difficult family dynamics and strengthen your bond.

Offer Support and Validation

Be a source of support for your partner, validate feelings and experiences, and remind each other that you’re in this together. Avoid assuming what support they need, and instead ask specifically what you can do. Clarify how they would like you to interact with their family, particularly if things start to go south. Some individuals prefer their partner stay out of family situations, as it can make it more difficult or stressful for them, while others prefer their partner to step in.

Establish an Exit Strategy

It’s essential to have an exit strategy in place for family gatherings if things become too overwhelming. Agree on a signal or code word that indicates when one partner needs a break or wishes to leave. Having a pre-established plan can help minimize stress and provide a sense of control. In addition, check-in with each other, whether through a side bar or text message, at previously agreed-upon intervals.

Dealing with family and the trauma that may have occurred as a result is a challenging journey, especially around the holidays, but by prioritizing new traditions, setting boundaries, and supporting each other, couples can navigate these difficulties together. Remember, the holidays are an opportunity to create your own positive experiences and strengthen your bond as a couple.