Marriage is often seen as a lifelong commitment, but before stepping into this new phase of life, it’s crucial to reflect on what marriage truly means to you. Everyone has different expectations, values, and beliefs about what their roles in a marriage should be, and discussing these ideas openly with your partner is a key step in building a strong, lasting relationship. Here are some essential questions to ask yourself and your partner as you prepare for marriage.

Why Is Marriage Important to You and Your Relationship?

Ask yourself why marriage matters to you. Intent can be just as important as action.

• What does marriage signify in your life and relationship?
• How will marriage strengthen or change your bond with your partner?
• Why are we deciding to get married?

Understanding the personal and emotional reasons why you’re entering into marriage can help you approach this commitment with clarity and purpose.

How Do You Define a Happy, Loving, and Fulfilling Marriage?

Every person and every couple has a unique vision of what makes a marriage happy and fulfilling. Take time to reflect on:

• What does a happy marriage look like to you? What are the key ingredients that make it loving and fulfilling?
• What do you want your marriage to stand for—whether it’s loyalty, shared adventure, growth, or something else entirely?
• How do you envision emotional and physical intimacy evolving over time?
• What shared values or experiences will keep your bond strong? What values, habits, or behaviors will form the foundation of your marriage?

Being clear about what happiness means to you in marriage helps both you and your partner work toward shared goals.

What Do You Expect of Yourself as a Married Person?

Marriage often brings a new sense of identity, and with that identity comes a set of expectations. Ask yourself:

• How do you see yourself contributing to the relationship?
• What roles do you think you will take on as a spouse?
• How do you want to grow, both individually and as part of a couple, in this new stage of your life?

Understanding your own goals and vision for yourself as a married person helps create a foundation for personal and relational growth.

What Do You Expect of Your Partner as a Married Person?

Just as you have expectations for yourself, it’s important to consider what you expect from your partner:

• What do you need from your partner to feel supported, loved, and understood?
• How do you expect your partner to contribute to the relationship?
• Are your expectations realistic, and have you communicated them clearly?

Having open conversations about each other’s expectations can help avoid misunderstandings and disappointment later in the marriage.

In What Ways, If Any, Do You Expect Your Relationship to Change Once You’re Married?

Marriage can bring changes, whether in the way you interact with each other, your roles, or how you approach life as a team. Consider:

• How do you expect your relationship to evolve after marriage?
• Are you anticipating any shifts in responsibility, intimacy, or emotional closeness?
• How will marriage deepen your connection and commitment to each other?

While marriage may not change everything, it’s important to be mindful of how you expect your relationship to grow or adapt.

What Roles Do You Expect to Play Within the Identity of Marriage?

Marriage often involves defining specific roles, but these roles can differ greatly from one couple to another. Think about:

• What roles do you see yourself playing? For example, do you imagine taking on more of a caregiving role, a financial role, or a mix of both?
• How do you and your partner view the distribution of household tasks, emotional labor, and decision-making?
• Do your roles align with your values, and are you comfortable with them?

Having these discussions early on can help ensure that both partners feel fulfilled and respected in their respective roles.

How Does Gender Influence the Roles and Expectations in Marriage?

Gender roles, while evolving, still play a significant part in how we view marriage societally. It’s important to reflect on how these roles may influence your own expectations:

• How do you perceive gender roles in a marriage? Do you feel the need to conform to traditional expectations, or are you creating your own path?
• What expectations do you have for yourself based on your gender, and what expectations do you believe your partner has for you?
• How do you want to balance or redefine gender roles within your marriage?

Discussing gender roles openly can help create a marriage where both partners feel empowered and valued.

Taking time to reflect on these important questions before entering into marriage is crucial for building a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship. By openly discussing roles, expectations, and values with your partner, you can lay a strong foundation for your marriage and ensure that you’re both on the same page as you embark on this new journey together.

Want more tips and tricks about preparing for marriage? Check out our online pre-marital counseling program here!