Working with couples, one of the most common disagreements we hear is regarding decisions on how to run a household. In our next few posts, we’ll be examining household chores and how to engage in meaningful conversation and change to create a happier and healthier relationship. To start, we’ll explore how to handle differences of opinion regarding what actually needs to be done.

Define “Clean”:

We constantly hear, “But the house is clean,” followed by, “The house is disgusting; how can you possibly think it’s clean!?” Sit down as a couple and define what a “clean” home means to each of you. What is the difference between clean and organized? When is the trash can considered “full”? If the laundry is close to the laundry bin, does that count? How many piles of paper can exist on the dining room table? Everyone has different cleanliness standards based on their upbringing, personality, and lifestyle. Instead of seeing these differences as obstacles, view them as opportunities to learn from each other.

Create a Game Plan:

Make a list of household chores and collaboratively prioritize them. Discuss specific areas or tasks that are non-negotiable and identify those that can be more flexible based on personal preferences. Keep in mind that for many individuals, a clean house makes for a clean mind, as disorganization can affect mental health. Recognize tasks that are more time-sensitive or crucial to both partners, ensuring that the essential duties are clearly defined. 

Enact the Game Plan:

Develop a cleaning schedule that works for both partners. This could involve allocating specific tasks on particular days or finding a routine that accommodates both of your lifestyles. However, understanding that compromise is essential, be willing to be flexible on certain tasks or meet cleanliness standards in the middle. Finding a balance that respects both partners’ needs is crucial for long-term success.

Change the Approach:

Shift the perspective from individual responsibilities to a team approach. Emphasize that maintaining a clean and organized home is a shared goal that benefits both partners. Acknowledge and celebrate each other’s efforts in maintaining a clean home, as positive reinforcement can create a more positive environment and motivate both partners to continue contributing.

Maintain Progress:

Schedule regular check-ins to discuss how the current system is working. This allows both partners to provide feedback, make necessary adjustments, and ensure that responsibilities are evenly distributed. If disagreements persist, consider seeking the guidance of a relationship counselor or therapist. Professional advice can offer insights into underlying issues and provide tools for effective communication and compromise.

Disagreements about cleanliness standards and chore responsibilities are a natural part of many relationships. The key is to approach these discussions with respect, compromise, and a shared commitment to creating a home that reflects both partners’ needs and preferences. By implementing these strategies, couples can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth, understanding, and a more harmonious living environment.