For our American readers, Thanksgiving, as it is celebrated today, is about gratitude, connection, and good food. But for many families and couples, it very quickly escalates to a stress test. You’re cooking together in a cramped kitchen, juggling multiple oven timers, and trying to get everything done while people complain about hunger, which can lead to tension, arguments, and, in extreme cases, thoughts of murdering one another. So if you want to enjoy the day without the drama, here are some tips to keep the kitchen, and your partnership, intact.

Plan Ahead

The most common reason that cooking together becomes hazardous is due to a lack of planning. So the week before, sit down together and decide who is responsible for what, and make a timeline of prep work and cooking times. By creating clear roles, you can reduce the confusion and prevent last-minute arguments about responsibilities. Additionally, create a communication plan for slippery moments. It is easy to slip into bossing one another around, so decide ahead of time how you can avoid the employee-dynamic. Instead of giving commands, try “we” statements and asking for help in a polite manner. For example, “can we chop these vegetables now?” rather than “why haven’t you chopped these yet?”

Embrace Each Other’s Cooking Style
It can be very easy for your brain to tell you that the way that you cook is the “correct” way to cook. But your partner may not season things the same way or follow the recipes to the letter. When this happens, and your brain screams that everything is going to be ruined, take a moment to remind yourself that there are different approaches to cooking and neither of you is necessarily right or wrong. Making space for flexibility can go a long way towards reducing cooking tension. If you start to feel overwhelmed, and the self-talk isn’t working, it’s okay to step away. Go get a glass of water, take some deep breaths, or a little walk before returning. Even a small break can prevent those small irritations from transforming into a full argument.

Make It Fun

Cooking doesn’t have to be an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. Create an environment of enjoyment by playing some music, taste-testing together, or turning prep into a mini cooking class. Some humor and joy can go a long way in keeping stress low. Then, make sure to celebrate the small wins. Take moments to compliment each other when a dish turns out well or when they handle a tricky task gracefully. Moments of positive reinforcement keep morale high and reduce the urge to point out each other’s mistakes.

Cooking a meal together for Thanksgiving doesn’t have to end in battle. With planning, embracing your unique elements, and creating some fun, you can create a memorable meal, not to mention a positive, bonding experience, together. And remember, at the end of the day, it’s just a meal and the point is to be together, so it doesn’t have to be perfect.