Family gatherings can be a time of joy, but they can also bring stress, particularly if insults or criticism arise. Whether the insult is directed at one partner by their own family, their partner’s family, or at both partners as a couple, navigating these situations requires communication, support, and teamwork. Here’s how couples can handle these challenging moments together while maintaining unity and respect.

When Both Partners Are Insulted

When insults are directed at you as a couple, it’s important to address the issue with a united front. This might include comments about your relationship, lifestyle choices, or shared decisions. Start by acknowledging the hurt together.  After the incident, talk privately about how the comments affected each of you and validate each other’s feelings. Then, consider whether the insult requires a direct response or if it’s better to let it go. For example, casual jabs may not merit a confrontation, but persistent disrespect might.

 It is important to present a unified response. If you choose to address it, do so together. For example, “We feel that comments like that aren’t helpful or respectful of our relationship.” Let the person know that such comments are unacceptable and won’t be tolerated in the future. By showing a strong, united front, you send the message that your relationship is solid and that you won’t allow outside negativity to undermine it.

When a Partner Is Insulted by Their Own Family

When your partner’s family insults them, it can be difficult to know how to support them while respecting their relationship with their family. Most importantly, be supportive without taking over. Let your partner take the lead in addressing the issue, as they are likely more familiar with their family dynamics. Offer emotional support and validation: “I’m so sorry they said that—it wasn’t fair or kind.” If this is a recurring issue, help your partner consider setting boundaries with their family. They might say, “I don’t appreciate those kinds of comments, and I’d like them to stop.”

While it’s tempting to step in and defend your partner, it’s usually best to let them handle their family to avoid worsening tensions. Instead, provide strength and encouragement behind the scenes. Remember, your role is to stand by your partner, offering empathy and understanding while respecting their autonomy in managing their family relationships.

When a Partner Is Insulted by Their In-Laws

This is perhaps the most delicate situation, as it involves balancing loyalty to your partner with maintaining harmony with your family.  If the insult occurs in the moment, calmly but firmly let your family know that their comment is inappropriate. For example, “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak about [partner’s name] that way.” If the insult is severe or recurring, address it privately with the family member. Emphasize the importance of respect in your relationship: “I love [partner’s name], and their feelings are important to me. Please treat them with kindness.”  

Let your partner know you are on their side and won’t tolerate disrespect toward them. Reassurance can go a long way in easing hurt feelings. Taking action to support your partner shows that you value them and are committed to protecting your relationship, even if it means standing up to your family.

Preventing Future Incidents

While you can’t control the actions of others, you can take steps to minimize the likelihood of future insults:

• Set Expectations Early: Before family gatherings, discuss how you’ll handle potential issues and agree on strategies for addressing them. Talk about how the situation made you feel and what support you need from each other. Clear communication strengthens your bond.
• Don’t Play the Blame Game: Avoid turning on each other in moments of stress. Focus on the issue at hand rather than letting family tensions create conflict between you.
• Limit Time with Toxic Family Members: Decide together what behavior you will and won’t tolerate from family members. If certain relatives are consistently disrespectful, consider limiting your time with them or avoiding them altogether.
• Practice Self-Care: Family conflicts can be emotionally draining. Make time to care for yourselves and each other after difficult interactions. If family dynamics are causing ongoing strain in your relationship, consider speaking with a couples therapist for guidance on navigating these challenges.

Dealing with family insults is never easy, but by working together as a team, you and your partner can navigate these challenges while protecting your relationship. Whether the insult comes from your family, your in-laws, or both, the key is to communicate openly, set boundaries, and stand united. Together, you can create a supportive and respectful environment that allows your love to flourish, even in the face of family tensions.