Let’s be honest, unless you have a dystopian sitcom family, Thanksgiving involves a lot of stress, and that stress often translates into conflict. Whether you and your partner fought on the day of or are feeling tension in the days following, these tips can help you keep your relationship strong and healthy.
Remember Your Skills
If you’ve been reading the XY blog, you’ll know we’ve been working on navigating relational conflicts, specifically how to take conflict breaks rather than stonewalling your partner. If arguments cropped up over Thanksgiving, hopefully you remembered to use your skills, and if so, take a moment to recognize your movement towards healthier conflict. If not, sit down to discuss why those skills weren’t used and what you can do better next time. If you’re new to the blog, take a minute to read the last few posts about relational conflicts and use the conflicts of Thanksgiving to discuss how you as a couple can improve the way you engage.
Pressure for Movement
Thanksgiving and intrusive questions are an inseparable pair. “So, when are you going to propose?” “When are you two getting married?” “When are you going to start a family?” These intense questions often make couples uncomfortable and cause unnecessary pressure to change their lives. This can lead to anxiety, whether it’s worrying you’re falling behind or not knowing if your partner is on the same page as you. If you are feeling the effect of these intrusive questions post-Thanksgiving, take a moment to sit with your partner and discuss your concerns, thoughts, and anxieties. Open communication and vulnerability are the keys!
Thanksgiving Recovery
For many people, post-Thanksgiving involves a physical recovery from the amount of food consumed, but there is also a mental recovery required that is ignored. Even the most functional of families have stressful Thanksgiving moments. It is not the most tension-free holiday, and that tension requires an outlet. Stress in the body has to be processed and released, or it tends to come out negatively, which could look like snapping at your partner or being more irritable than usual. Use the weekend after Thanksgiving to engage in some self-care and destress from the hectic time that is Thanksgiving. A healthier you means a healthier relationship.
Check-In
While many people view the holidays as precious time spent with family, for others it is a reminder of family passed-on or conflicts that never healed. If you or your partner fall into the latter group, make sure to check in with one another regarding where things are emotionally and how you can best support one another. Be patient if you or your partner are more sensitive or irritable than usual. When you offer support in a specific way and your partner agrees it would be helpful, make sure you follow through.
Thanksgiving can be a wonderful family holiday, but it can also lead to conflict, whether it be with family or your partner. Check-in with one another regarding stress levels, how conflict was handled if it did occur, where you feel the relationship is at following intrusive questions, and what you need from one another. As usual, the more communication, the better!